Earth Rape and Freedom

Yesterday I bicycled to Smiley's Park and Campground to listen to the River. During my first visit she granted me much of her wisdom, I was astonished. My second, far less. Men were working noisily behind us and I felt violated in my privacy and sad for the River and the Earth. I wonder, why do some humans choose and encourage devastating activities over simply listening and following the natural rhythm? I can't even imagine the intelligence we've sacrificed for this puny, circumstantial and bitter existence.

Sigh.

I'm really, really, really... really aching to get on the road. Excited beyond measure by what I'll experience and, fuck, the sheer freedom I'll have! I'm a bit afraid, for what I'm going to do at the end of the road? I need to remind myself often that this journey is one of self-discovery and expansion and I simply don't have all the answers to the questions that the practical, responsible person in my head is asking.

I've resolved to tell my dad on Wednesday. That'll be the day after my 24th birthday. It makes me cringe knowing that I'm so afraid of what he'll think of me and how he'll react. I have to remind myself that he is not adventurous, not independent, and is certainly the most boring individual I know. He just won't understand. He can be so mean and he'll make fun of me and try every chance he gets to prove I'm incapable of taking care of myself...

And me. I'm so dependent on him. I hate thinking about who I'll be if I stay and 'follow the rules'. Tara wrote the most amazing post the other day. Her closing line was "I've become who I always dreamed I was." A perfect song that vibrates directly to my soul. I know what I have to do. And I know it won't be easy. But what we are is meaningless if it's not the truth.