one little, two little, three little choices

at this moment i have severe writers block so i'm going to write about that blockage. there is a mound of rubble caked with dirt and sprouting grasses in my mind and it is acting as a dam against my stream of consciousness. the harder i try to rid myself of this menace the more compact the earth deeper and the roots become. consciously thinking about the problem makes it more real yet simply watching the problem allows those natural processes to take hold. all i can do is talk about the problem, hoping that with each description of the problem a piece of it is taken away.

so far it has worked.

today i used two fifteen minute sessions to mediate, a third one will take place later. the practice i'm trying to implement in my daily routine is 'samadhi' or concentration meditation/cultivation. my experience with it today is thus: it is hard! but i'm up for a good challenge. to describe the revelation of my mental functioning today i would say that it falls into two extremes: one of complete mindlessness (or rather, total lack of concentration) and so concentrated that all other things are excluded. i know the first is certainly not desirous, after all we're talking about forming concentration. but as for the second, i'm wondering, does such a strong focus on breathing really indicate concentration? (ah, difficult to articulate...)- i think maybe that what i'm calling 'strong concentration' is simply me in the act of trying too hard. is there such a thing as a natural state of concentration? of course, i've only started doing this today... i'm sure i'll learn more as time goes on!

on a differnt note: i've actually downed eight whole glasses of water today! and today was really nice! i made good, mindful choices - like, not buying sweets at the store and instead a honeydew melon (which i only ate half of!), i reached my goal of 8 glass of h2o, i emailed the deputy mayor about my petition proposition, i read outside (rain and shine) which was quite uplifting, and went for a walk barefoot in rain sprinkles. (i stumbled upon a site for barefoot living and it struck me as a wonderful idea! i love barefeet so why not go about free!?) at the end of the day i can say that i'm quite happy. sure there are those things that are troublesome, but i can acknowledge their presence and try to move on. i choose to live my life, not to dwell.

-jk