here it is

i just finished reading my past posts and i'm torn between knowing her and wondering who she was. it's been just under two years since starting this blog and it's been a year+ since being here and it's been at least a year since remembering its existence.

should i play catch up or start fresh?

i've entered transition. for now i'm under my dad's roof without a university degree (long sordid story: administrative incompetence and my own disillusion). in may i will turn to my bicycle and head cross country to expand, learn and live. in a few years perhaps i'll learn midwifery. for now my heart is where it's always been: just over the horizon. i plan on meeting it and taking it for a wild adventure.

no longer feeling external pressure to be something. rather, no longer letting myself feel that pressure. i am only me and i will only do what i please.

i spent the summer in british colubmia. i returned home in november feeling different, more in tuned with who i am, what i want, etc. and i feel the power to live my dreams. sure, sometimes i feel lost and sad but i know that's situational. being home in rural canada isn't the most mind blowing experience. that will change in may and that's what's keeping me strong.

i guess what interested me most in reading past posts is the week between writing 'how lonely am i' and 'fuck it, i don't know what will happen' and 'i just met chris!' - totally hilarious. update with chris: we slept together as friends for 7 months. it was nice. still friends, without the fucking though (and good thing. i learned i shouldn't take fucking lightly).

anyway, i'm finding this whole writing thing is boring the hell out of me right now. more later? who knows given my record.

JK